Japan takes the word, “non-confrontational,” to a new level.

At my university in the US, I sometimes attended lectures in Japanese to practice the language. While the lectures were interesting, the most important lesson I took away was how to ask questions in Japanese.

You know how there's often a question-and-answer time at the end of a lecture? In the US, people usually stand up and ask their question. They might even challenge the speaker.

However, I noticed that Japanese people would first express a million thanks for the presentation, addressing the speaker in the most respectful way, and then – and only then – ask their question. To my American ears, it sounded like they were speaking to royalty! 🤯🤯🤯

But to them, the Americans must have seemed rude!

So how can we make sure we leave a good impression on our Japanese students? Especially those who are interacting with non-Japanese people for the first time?

Clash of Communication Styles

Common Japanese reactions to foreigners include, "they're too direct," “they talk too much and don’t listen enough,” and “they don’t pay attention to others’ feelings.”

While we don’t want to apply Japanese-style politeness to English, there are a few things we can do to make sure our first-time Japanese students don’t think these things of us. But how do we know if we’re “listening enough”?

The key lies in showing that we’re listening. Maybe you’ve noticed that some Japanese students respond to all of your sentences with “hehhhh” or “ohhhh” (as demonstrated by this comedian), nodding, or some other sign that they're listening.

This phenomenon is called “backchanneling,” and it's a way of building rapport. While English speakers backchannel as well (“uh-huh,” “I see”), Japanese people backchannel much more frequently. So we’ll want to backchannel more than we usually would when teaching Japanese students.

And to make sure our students know we’re “paying attention to their feelings” and not being "too direct,” we’ll want to more actively acknowledge their views. Instead of saying, “I’m not sure I agree with that,” try something like, “I can see what you’re saying. In fact, I’ve also felt the same way before. But, I have different feelings now,” and then explain your own view.

Desire for Privacy

On top of being less direct about their true feelings, many Japanese also prefer not to share details about their private lives. For example, only 39% of Japanese adults use social networking sites. Compare this to South Korea and the US, which are both at 69%.

In addition, Japanese people prefer social media platforms that allow anonymity and tend not to trust people they meet online, as you can see in the following chart:

This probably explains why it's especially common for Japanese students to take lessons with their webcams off. It's also easy to understand why they are slower to share personal details.

So we don’t want to ask too many personal questions too soon. Pay attention to any cues indicating reluctance to talk about something. “If their answers about their job were vague or very short,” says Tutor Addie (🇷🇴), “I wouldn't follow-up on that.”

And don’t bring up topics that the student didn’t mention in their self-introduction. “If a student doesn’t mention their job, marital status or location,” says Tutor Asja (🇧🇦), “I don't ask about it either.”

📌 Takeaways

Hopefully, this post has helped you better understand your Japanese students! To sum up:

Excessive politeness is the norm in Japan. Be as non-confrontational as possible and backchannel (“uh-huh,” “I see”) frequently.
Many Japanese feel uncomfortable interacting with other people online, which is why they may keep their webcam turned off. Help make them feel comfortable by not asking too many personal questions.

And as always, smile and create a friendly atmosphere 😃