How to "Soften" Your Language in Online Lessons
In everyday life, there are times when saying things in an indirect, soft way is extremely important for protecting someone's feelings and keeping strong, healthy relationships. And the same is true for the tutor-student relationship.
As a tutor, students are putting trust in us to see them when they may be less confident and more likely to be sensitive to criticism. After all, if their English skills were perfect, they wouldn’t need us. They are going to make mistakes and need correcting, but we need to do it in a way that helps them while still respecting their feelings. It can be tricky to balance those two things, but luckily we have a tool that can help.
What is Softening?
Basically, softening is a way of speaking that is less direct and that avoids blaming or judging others. Instead of "pointing a finger" at someone, it is more neutral and open. For example, saying that someone is "overweight" has a much different feeling than calling them "fat." Similarly, telling someone "I'm not sure I agree" isn't quite the same as "No, that's a terrible idea."
Softening is useful for sharing opinions, giving feedback and making requests in a polite way. And because of the way it avoids judgment and harsh criticism, it is an excellent tool that all tutors should be familiar with. Let's look at how it can be used in our lessons.
Giving Feedback
Giving useful feedback is one of the most important parts of online tutoring and any kind of teaching. But it should be done in a careful way that points out where students can improve without discouraging them from trying again. This is especially important when tutoring shy students.
Softening is a great way to do this, and it's often as easy as adding one or two short words to what you say. Here are some examples:
Responding to incorrect answers
No one enjoys being told they are wrong, especially in a direct way. So "no," "incorrect," "wrong," etc. are poor choices when correcting a student. Even adding a simple "Sorry, but~" will soften your language a great deal. But there are other options as well.
Good guess! But the correct answer is~
That's close! Actually~
Not quite. The answer is~
Well, not exactly. It's actually~
In all of these examples, a correction is softened by using less direct language or by including some type of positive message in order to keep the communication light and friendly.
Using qualifiers
Terms like "a bit" and "a little" help to soften language by removing some of the negative impact. Let's look at two different ways of correcting pronunciation.
That's too fast.
That's a bit too fast.
Again, both examples say the same thing. But the sentence with "a bit" doesn't sound as strong or judgmental. It will be much easier for the student to hear. Using "a bit" also sounds as if the student is close to doing the correct thing, which could motivate them to keep trying.
You can replace "a bit" with "a little" or "slightly" to get the same effect.
Your intonation is a little too flat.
Your intonation is slightly too flat.
The opposite of this correction would be "not quite ~~~ enough."
Nice try, but it's not quite quick enough.
Making requests
Just like feedback, questions and requests can be softened with the right words and expressions. While adding a simple "please" at the start of your request is nice, there are several other options that have a stronger softening effect.
For example, instead of asking a direct question, ask them if they "can" do something for you.
Please make an example sentence for me.
Can you make an example sentence for me?
What does this mean?
Can you tell me what this means?
These questions are basically the same, but the second examples are softer and sound less like a challenge. Instead, they are invitations to try. For the student, that means making a mistake or choosing the wrong answer is much less scary.
Another great softening strategy is to use language that includes both you and the student. For example, instead of "you," look for opportunities to use "let's."
Please try again.
Let's try again.
Even though it's polite, the first example puts all of the pressure on the student alone. On the other hand, using "let's" can make the student feel like you are working with them instead of only watching and judging their performance.
Similarly, using "we" instead of "you" can promote a feeling of teamwork and reassure the student that you are there to help them.
How about we try a Daily News article today?
That's not quite the right answer, but we're getting close!
Conclusion
Of course, there are times when using more direct, straightforward language is the best thing to do. But in many situations, using techniques to soften what you say creates a friendlier lesson environment in which the student is freer to speak openly and make mistakes. It may seem like a small thing to you, but the effects can be large for them. Please give it a try!
