You’ve probably realized that many of our students are shy. This is partly cultural; East Asians (i.e. most of our students) are generally shyer than, say, Europeans. However, culture isn’t the whole story.

For example, a study found that East Asian students in the US are often more comfortable speaking up in classes with other non-native speakers than in classes with native English speakers. As one student (🇯🇵) said, "I like ESL class because my English is not good, and other students are the same. I don't feel embarrassed. I can talk freely. If I go to a regular class, they will laugh at my bad English."

In other words, what appears to be shyness often boils down to a fear of embarrassment. So how can we make sure our students warm up to us and talk freely?

Make the Student Feel Good About Their English

For many of our students, online English lessons are their first time interacting one-on-one with a stranger – not to mention online and in a foreign language! 😱

Even booking a lesson can be intimidating. As one student (🇯🇵) shares, “My first lesson was so embarrassing that I couldn’t bring myself to book another lesson.”

Then, during the actual lesson, students may worry that everything they say is wrong.

So let’s make them feel better about themselves. We can start by limiting corrections and praising students more often.

We’ll also want to refrain from asking students to repeat themselves, because this can make them feel more insecure. But what if we absolutely need a student to repeat something?

One tutor (🇵🇭) shared this advice: “I praise students for pronouncing something well and encourage them to say it again. After all, practice makes perfect! For example, 'That’s great pronunciation, Kenji-san! Can we practice it one more time to make it perfect?' (Student repeats ‘pretty’.)”

And if the student’s accent is too difficult to understand, we could suggest they study using the pronunciation materials before trying anything else.

Let’s also keep in mind students’ limited listening abilities! It’s easy to assume that the student understands us when they aren’t asking questions. However, the truth is that students are often too shy to ask questions or may not know where to start.

As one new student (🇯🇵) shares, “My first lesson was painfully slow. I missed something the tutor said, and then couldn’t understand anything else for the rest of the lesson.”

So let’s prevent this situation by speaking clearly and in short sentences. Use straightforward expressions – for example, “Did you like ...?” instead of “How did you like ...?” and “Why …?” instead of “How come …?” This may feel unnatural at first, but it will help the student feel more confident in their listening skills.

Make a Personal Connection

Many tutors find that a good way to break the ice is to make a personal connection. While introducing yourself, find something in common with the student, whether it be their hobbies, interests, occupation, or family. Students are more willing to open up and become more engaged when they feel like the tutor understands them.

Another way to connect with the student is to share your own struggles with learning English. “I often ask them what they find most difficult,” says Tutor Asja (🇧🇦). “Then I tell them that I struggled with that too and share my way of overcoming that problem.” Native speakers can say something like, “English is hard, isn’t it? I’m glad I didn’t have to learn it!”

However, we won’t have something in common with every student. So if you’re struggling to find common ground, just show interest by asking follow-up questions.

📌 Takeaways

To recap, here are some ways you can help shy students warm up to you:

Try them out! Who knows? Your shy students may even book another lesson with you 😎