{"id":1867,"date":"2021-07-11T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-07-11T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/?p=1867"},"modified":"2022-05-26T02:29:42","modified_gmt":"2022-05-26T02:29:42","slug":"awkward-situations","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/awkward-situations\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Handle Unwanted Compliments, Questions, and Requests as an Online Tutor"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_80 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 eztoc-toggle-hide-by-default' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-1'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/awkward-situations\/#Unwanted_Compliments\" >Unwanted Compliments<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-1'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/awkward-situations\/#Overly_Personal_Impolite_or_Insensitive_Questions\" >Overly Personal, Impolite, or Insensitive Questions<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-1'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/awkward-situations\/#Inappropriate_Requests\" >Inappropriate Requests<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-1'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/awkward-situations\/#%F0%9F%91%8B_Thats_it_for_now\" >\ud83d\udc4b That\u2019s it for now!<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n<p>Being a private tutor can put us in an awkward twilight zone between \u201cfriend\u201d and \u201ctutor,\u201d making it difficult to maintain professional boundaries.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So let's go over ways to stay professional in three uncomfortable situations that we may occasionally find ourselves in. While these situations are rare, it\u2019s better to be safe than sorry!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h1 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Unwanted_Compliments\"><\/span>Unwanted Compliments<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h1>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\" datatext=\"\"><figure class=\"aligncenter size-full is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2021\/05\/24094442\/image4-1-2.png\" alt=\"student saying &quot;I love you&quot; to a bewildered tutor\" class=\"wp-image-1870\" width=\"1000\" height=\"577\" srcset=\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2021\/05\/24094442\/image4-1-2.png 623w, https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2021\/05\/24094442\/image4-1-2-300x173.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\" \/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>In professional contexts, compliments can, at times, be inappropriate. For example, a friend of mine was once taking a taxi, when the driver said to him, winking, \u201cYou\u2019re really buff.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Compliments like these can make us feel uncomfortable when they come from someone we\u2019ve just met. But how do we respond to this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First of all, keep in mind that our students may be well-meaning and that different cultures have different standards for complimenting people. For example, it\u2019s more common for women in East Asia to compliment women they find beautiful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And in Korea, it\u2019s somewhat common for students to tell tutors \u201cI love you\u201d as a compliment. You can see this in <a href=\"https:\/\/youtu.be\/_PQHmGOCmSw?t=203\">a promotional video<\/a> made by Engoo Korea and also read about it in the following comment from one of our tutors (\ud83c\uddf5\ud83c\udded):<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>I have this female Korean student in her twenties and she would tell me \"I love you teacher\u201d like a fangirl. I know this is somewhat normal though, because I worked in a Korean academy before where I learned that some adult students would say this as a compliment to their teachers!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>However, regardless of their intentions, if something makes us feel uncomfortable, we should try to communicate that. That way, if the student is actually being creepy, we don\u2019t give them room to get even creepier!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So we can deal with these remarks in two ways: directly or indirectly.&nbsp; If you choose to be indirect, you can either ignore the compliment (signaling disinterest) or acknowledge it and change the subject.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, a member of Tutor Support recommends saying something like, \u201cThank you. I enjoy learning English with you, too\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m happy that you are enjoying our class. Let\u2019s move on to the next question.\u201d Basically, thank them for the kind thought but remind them that you\u2019re their English tutor!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you choose to be direct:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>You can tell the student that their compliment made you feel uncomfortable. For example: \u201cOther people say this to me too, and it makes me feel uncomfortable.\u201d&nbsp;<\/li><li>You can remind the student that you are in a professional student-tutor relationship. For example: \u201cI appreciate your compliment, but this is something that we should only tell people we\u2019re close with and not in class to a teacher.\u201d<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>In both cases, you can tell the student that their compliment made you feel uncomfortable while keeping things general.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And if they repeat the compliment or the uncomfortable behavior? Tutor Support says, \u201cBe strict and tell them, \u2018I\u2019m sorry, but you\u2019re making me uncomfortable. Let\u2019s focus on the lesson, please.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h1 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Overly_Personal_Impolite_or_Insensitive_Questions\"><\/span>Overly Personal, Impolite, or Insensitive Questions<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h1>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\" datatext=\"\"><figure class=\"aligncenter size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2021\/05\/24094430\/image2-2.png\" alt=\"tutor thinking to herself, &quot;Did the student really ask that?&quot;\" class=\"wp-image-1868\" width=\"1000\" height=\"603\" srcset=\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2021\/05\/24094430\/image2-2.png 624w, https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2021\/05\/24094430\/image2-2-300x181.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\" \/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>What counts as a personal question often depends on the culture and the individual. For example, some <a href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/2020\/03\/16\/creepy-online-tutor\/\">Japanese students are suspicious of basic questions<\/a> like \u201cWhere in Japan are you from?\u201d Meanwhile, many cultures consider it impolite to ask about the person\u2019s age or how much money they make.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So, if we feel uncomfortable about a question, let\u2019s first try to assume good intentions. After all, maybe the student did not know the question was crossing boundaries.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then, we can turn this situation into a teachable moment by letting them know that the question they\u2019ve asked is too personal, impolite, or insensitive in our culture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We can also teach them how to ask questions more politely, for example, by first asking for permission to ask the question (e.g. \u201cMay I ask \u2026 ?\u201d or \u201cIs it OK if I ask \u2026 ?\u201d) and by telling them that if they get something like \u201cSorry, but I\u2019d rather not say\u201d as a response, they should refrain from asking additional questions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h1 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Inappropriate_Requests\"><\/span>Inappropriate Requests<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h1>\n\n\n\n<p>Lastly, you might receive some inappropriate requests from students. Unfortunately, this is a risk particularly common in one-on-one teaching situations, whether that\u2019s online tutoring or office hours at a university. If it happens, be ready to take swift, direct action.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\" datatext=\"\"><figure class=\"aligncenter size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2021\/05\/24094434\/image3-4.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1869\" width=\"999\" height=\"650\" srcset=\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2021\/05\/24094434\/image3-4.png 624w, https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2021\/05\/24094434\/image3-4-300x195.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 999px) 100vw, 999px\" \/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, let\u2019s say a student:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>sends us a friend request on Facebook<\/li><li>asks to meet up with us in person when they\u2019re visiting our city<\/li><li>tries to convert us to their religion or sell us their product<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>In such cases, we\u2019ll want to be direct about saying \u201cno.\u201d Luckily, we have policies in place for each of these situations.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Like many schools, we consider it inappropriate to connect with students on social media. Our policies also prohibit meeting up in-person and selling products during a lesson. We also discourage talking about religion in general.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So we can explain that while we appreciate the student\u2019s enthusiasm, company policy forbids us from doing any of these things. In fact, students are informed of these policies when they sign up. If they have any questions, we can direct them to Customer Service for an explanation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And what if we get a sexually inappropriate request from a student? Again, we\u2019ll want to be swift and direct. A <a href=\"https:\/\/www.insidehighered.com\/blogs\/gradhacker\/dealing-inappropriate-emails-students\">university teaching assistant<\/a> who received sexual emails from her students recommends saying, \u201cI will only participate in a professional teacher-student relationship with you, and I'd like you to stop sending any emails that are personal or romantic in nature.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She adds, \u201cIf the emails persist, notify your supervisor or the dean of students to report the situation.\u201d In our case, if a student continues to make inappropriate requests, we should report the situation to Tutor Support while the situation is ongoing if possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\" datatext=\"\"><figure class=\"aligncenter size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"624\" height=\"337\" src=\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2020\/03\/12083651\/report-student.gif\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-963\"\/><figcaption>The widget to contact TS is in the lower right corner.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>If you cannot contact TS until after the lesson, make sure to send the class link as well as screenshots of the lesson. Feel free to reach out to Tutor Support if you have any questions about this process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h1 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"%F0%9F%91%8B_Thats_it_for_now\"><\/span>\ud83d\udc4b That\u2019s it for now!<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h1>\n\n\n\n<p>As tutors, we want to be friendly enough to establish rapport with our students while also maintaining professional boundaries. We hope this post has given you an idea of the most awkward situations you might encounter as a tutor and how to best deal with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Although we tend to get more relaxed with regular students, always know that you have the right to make your boundaries clear if a student becomes <em>too<\/em> friendly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Finally, Tutor Support would like to reassure tutors reading this that the situations mentioned in this piece are very rare. Chances are, you won't have to deal with the majority of these situations. We just want everyone to be prepared!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Being a private tutor can put us in an awkward twilight zone between \u201cfriend\u201d and \u201ctutor,\u201d making it difficult to maintain professional boundaries. So let's go over ways to stay professional in three uncomfortable situations...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":137,"featured_media":1871,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"ep_exclude_from_search":false,"unified_meta_tagline_field":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[43],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1867","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-about-online-tutoring"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Handle Unwanted Compliments, Questions, and Requests as an Online Tutor | Engoo Tutor&#039;s Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/awkward-situations\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Handle Unwanted Compliments, Questions, and Requests as an Online Tutor | Engoo Tutor&#039;s Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Being a private tutor can put us in an awkward twilight zone between \u201cfriend\u201d and \u201ctutor,\u201d making it difficult to...\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/awkward-situations\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Engoo Tutor&#039;s Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-07-11T00:00:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2022-05-26T02:29:42+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" 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