{"id":5223,"date":"2023-04-25T07:37:00","date_gmt":"2023-04-25T07:37:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/?p=5223"},"modified":"2023-04-21T00:54:42","modified_gmt":"2023-04-21T00:54:42","slug":"how-to-soften-your-language-in-online-lessons","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/how-to-soften-your-language-in-online-lessons\/","title":{"rendered":"How to \"Soften\" Your Language in Online Lessons"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_80 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 eztoc-toggle-hide-by-default' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/how-to-soften-your-language-in-online-lessons\/#What_is_Softening\" >What is Softening?<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/how-to-soften-your-language-in-online-lessons\/#Giving_Feedback\" >Giving Feedback<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-3' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/how-to-soften-your-language-in-online-lessons\/#Responding_to_incorrect_answers\" >Responding to incorrect answers<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/how-to-soften-your-language-in-online-lessons\/#Using_qualifiers\" >Using qualifiers<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/how-to-soften-your-language-in-online-lessons\/#Making_requests\" >Making requests<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/how-to-soften-your-language-in-online-lessons\/#Conclusion\" >Conclusion<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n<p>In everyday life, there are times when saying things in an indirect, soft way is extremely important for protecting someone's feelings and keeping strong, healthy relationships. And the same is true for the tutor-student relationship.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As a tutor, students are putting trust in us to see them when they may be less confident and more likely to be sensitive to criticism. After all, if their English skills were perfect, they wouldn\u2019t need us. They are going to make mistakes and need correcting, but we need to do it in a way that helps them while still respecting their feelings. It can be tricky to balance those two things, but luckily we have a tool that can help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What_is_Softening\"><\/span><strong>What is Softening?<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Basically, softening is a way of speaking that is less direct and that avoids blaming or judging others. Instead of \"pointing a finger\" at someone, it is more neutral and open. For example, saying that someone is \"overweight\" has a much different feeling than calling them \"fat.\" Similarly, telling someone \"I'm not sure I agree\" isn't quite the same as \"No, that's a terrible idea.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Softening is useful for sharing opinions, giving feedback and making requests in a polite way. And because of the way it avoids judgment and harsh criticism, it is an excellent tool that all tutors should be familiar with. Let's look at how it can be used in our lessons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Giving_Feedback\"><\/span><strong>Giving Feedback<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"649\" src=\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2023\/03\/07010506\/shutterstock_1878550048_1-1024x649.jpg\" alt=\"One person with a positive expression and another with a negative expression\" class=\"wp-image-5228\" srcset=\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2023\/03\/07010506\/shutterstock_1878550048_1-1024x649.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2023\/03\/07010506\/shutterstock_1878550048_1-300x190.jpg 300w, https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2023\/03\/07010506\/shutterstock_1878550048_1-768x487.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Giving useful feedback is one of the most important parts of online tutoring and any kind of teaching. But it should be done in a careful way that points out where students can improve without discouraging them from trying again. This is especially important when tutoring shy students.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Softening is a great way to do this, and it's often as easy as adding one or two short words to what you say. Here are some examples:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Responding_to_incorrect_answers\"><\/span><strong>Responding to incorrect answers<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>No one enjoys being told they are wrong, especially in a direct way. So \"no,\" \"incorrect,\" \"wrong,\" etc. are poor choices when correcting a student. Even adding a simple \"Sorry, but~\" will soften your language a great deal. But there are other options as well.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"unified-block unified-sentences block-align-none\"><strong class=\"unified-sentences-title\">Good guess! But the correct answer is~<\/strong><\/div>\n\n<div class=\"unified-block unified-sentences block-align-none\"><strong class=\"unified-sentences-title\">That's close! Actually~<\/strong><\/div>\n\n<div class=\"unified-block unified-sentences block-align-none\"><strong class=\"unified-sentences-title\">Not quite. The answer is~<\/strong><\/div>\n\n<div class=\"unified-block unified-sentences block-align-none\"><strong class=\"unified-sentences-title\">Well, not exactly. It's actually~<\/strong><\/div>\n\n\n<p>In all of these examples, a correction is softened by using less direct language or by including some type of positive message in order to keep the communication light and friendly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Using_qualifiers\"><\/span><strong>Using qualifiers<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Terms like \"a bit\" and \"a little\" help to soften language by removing some of the negative impact. Let's look at two different ways of correcting pronunciation.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"unified-block unified-sentences block-align-none\"><strong class=\"unified-sentences-title\">That's too fast.<\/strong><\/div>\n\n<div class=\"unified-block unified-sentences block-align-none\"><strong class=\"unified-sentences-title\">That's a bit too fast.<\/strong><\/div>\n\n\n<p>Again, both examples say the same thing. But the sentence with \"a bit\" doesn't sound as strong or judgmental. It will be much easier for the student to hear. Using \"a bit\" also sounds as if the student is close to doing the correct thing, which could motivate them to keep trying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can replace \"a bit\" with \"a little\" or \"slightly\" to get the same effect.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"unified-block unified-sentences block-align-none\"><strong class=\"unified-sentences-title\">Your intonation is a little too flat.<\/strong><\/div>\n\n<div class=\"unified-block unified-sentences block-align-none\"><strong class=\"unified-sentences-title\">Your intonation is slightly too flat.<\/strong><\/div>\n\n\n<p>The opposite of this correction would be \"not quite ~~~ enough.\"<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"unified-block unified-sentences block-align-none\"><strong class=\"unified-sentences-title\">Nice try, but it's not quite quick enough.<\/strong><\/div>\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Making_requests\"><\/span><strong>Making requests<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"683\" src=\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2023\/03\/07010945\/shutterstock_577546006-2-1024x683.jpg\" alt=\"A woman making a request to someone on a video call on her laptop computer\" class=\"wp-image-5229\" srcset=\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2023\/03\/07010945\/shutterstock_577546006-2-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2023\/03\/07010945\/shutterstock_577546006-2-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2023\/03\/07010945\/shutterstock_577546006-2-768x512.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Just like feedback, questions and requests can be softened with the right words and expressions. While adding a simple \"please\" at the start of your request is nice, there are several other options that have a stronger softening effect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, instead of asking a direct question, ask them if they \"can\" do something for you.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"unified-block unified-sentences block-align-none\"><strong class=\"unified-sentences-title\">Please make an example sentence for me.<\/strong><\/div>\n\n<div class=\"unified-block unified-sentences block-align-none\"><strong class=\"unified-sentences-title\">Can you make an example sentence for me?<\/strong><\/div>\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n<div class=\"unified-block unified-sentences block-align-none\"><strong class=\"unified-sentences-title\">What does this mean?<\/strong><\/div>\n\n<div class=\"unified-block unified-sentences block-align-none\"><strong class=\"unified-sentences-title\">Can you tell me what this means?<\/strong><\/div>\n\n\n<p>These questions are basically the same, but the second examples are softer and sound less like a challenge. Instead, they are invitations to try. For the student, that means making a mistake or choosing the wrong answer is much less scary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Another great softening strategy is to use language that includes both you and the student. For example, instead of \"you,\" look for opportunities to use \"let's.\"<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"unified-block unified-sentences block-align-none\"><strong class=\"unified-sentences-title\">Please try again.<\/strong><\/div>\n\n<div class=\"unified-block unified-sentences block-align-none\"><strong class=\"unified-sentences-title\">Let's try again.<\/strong><\/div>\n\n\n<p>Even though it's polite, the first example puts all of the pressure on the student alone. On the other hand, using \"let's\" can make the student feel like you are working with them instead of only watching and judging their performance.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Similarly, using \"we\" instead of \"you\" can promote a feeling of teamwork and reassure the student that you are there to help them.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"unified-block unified-sentences block-align-none\"><strong class=\"unified-sentences-title\">How about we try a Daily News article today?<\/strong><\/div>\n\n<div class=\"unified-block unified-sentences block-align-none\"><strong class=\"unified-sentences-title\">That's not quite the right answer, but we're getting close!<\/strong><\/div>\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Conclusion\"><\/span><strong>Conclusion<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Of course, there are times when using more direct, straightforward language is the best thing to do. But in many situations, using techniques to soften what you say creates a friendlier lesson environment in which the student is freer to speak openly and make mistakes. It may seem like a small thing to you, but the effects can be large for them. Please give it a try!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In everyday life, there are times when saying things in an indirect, soft way is extremely important for protecting someone's feelings and keeping strong, healthy relationships. And the same is true for the tutor-student relationship.&nbsp;...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":432,"featured_media":5231,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"ep_exclude_from_search":false,"unified_meta_tagline_field":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[43],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5223","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-about-online-tutoring"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to &quot;Soften&quot; Your Language in Online Lessons | Engoo Tutor&#039;s Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Saying things in a direct way isn&#039;t always the best choice, especially when tutoring. Use softer language to help create a friendlier lesson environment.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/how-to-soften-your-language-in-online-lessons\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to &quot;Soften&quot; Your Language in Online Lessons | Engoo Tutor&#039;s Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Saying things in a direct way isn&#039;t always the best choice, especially when tutoring. Use softer language to help create a friendlier lesson environment.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/how-to-soften-your-language-in-online-lessons\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Engoo Tutor&#039;s Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-04-25T07:37:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2023\/03\/07011553\/shutterstock_1776595529-2.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1800\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"David\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"David\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/how-to-soften-your-language-in-online-lessons\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/how-to-soften-your-language-in-online-lessons\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"David\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/43c4049c9f2f669e9985f0ed34eec4af\"},\"headline\":\"How to \\\"Soften\\\" Your Language in Online Lessons\",\"datePublished\":\"2023-04-25T07:37:00+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/how-to-soften-your-language-in-online-lessons\/\"},\"wordCount\":777,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/how-to-soften-your-language-in-online-lessons\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2023\/03\/07011553\/shutterstock_1776595529-2.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Online Tutoring\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/how-to-soften-your-language-in-online-lessons\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/how-to-soften-your-language-in-online-lessons\/\",\"name\":\"How to \\\"Soften\\\" Your Language in Online Lessons | Engoo Tutor&#039;s Blog\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/how-to-soften-your-language-in-online-lessons\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/how-to-soften-your-language-in-online-lessons\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2023\/03\/07011553\/shutterstock_1776595529-2.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2023-04-25T07:37:00+00:00\",\"description\":\"Saying things in a direct way isn't always the best choice, especially when tutoring. 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