{"id":961,"date":"2020-03-16T00:00:39","date_gmt":"2020-03-16T00:00:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/?p=961"},"modified":"2020-07-06T10:39:35","modified_gmt":"2020-07-06T10:39:35","slug":"creepy-online-tutor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/creepy-online-tutor\/","title":{"rendered":"Are You Accidentally Being a Creepy Online Tutor?  (Real Student Complaints Included)"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_80 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 eztoc-toggle-hide-by-default' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-1'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/creepy-online-tutor\/#Tip_1_Follow_the_Students_Request\" >Tip #1: Follow the Student\u2019s Request<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-1'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/creepy-online-tutor\/#Tip_2_Dont_Question_the_Students_Life_Choices\" >Tip #2: Don\u2019t Question the Student\u2019s Life Choices<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-1'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/creepy-online-tutor\/#Tip_3_Make_Your_Questions_General\" >Tip #3: Make Your Questions General<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-1'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/creepy-online-tutor\/#Tip_4_Dont_Assume_Students_Will_Feel_Comfortable_Revealing_Personal_Information\" >Tip #4: Don\u2019t Assume Students Will Feel Comfortable Revealing Personal Information<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-1'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/creepy-online-tutor\/#%F0%9F%93%8C_Takeaways\" >\ud83d\udccc Takeaways<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<p>Unfortunately, it happens to the best of us: We ask a question because we want to get to know our student a bit better and, as it turns out, the question is too personal ... and now our student thinks we\u2019re total creeps.<\/p>\n<p>This is something we need to be especially careful of when teaching Japanese students, who are more <a href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/2019\/08\/10\/tutoring-japanese-students\/\">wary of people they meet online<\/a>. For many of them, even harmless questions like \u201cWhat job do you do?\u201d and \u201cWhat city do you live in?\u201d can seem intrusive. After all, they don\u2019t know that we\u2019re just trying to get to know them.<\/p>\n<p>Foreign language students often do not know how to express their feelings of discomfort, which makes it very hard for us tutors to know when we\u2019ve overstepped boundaries \u2026 until we get a complaint. \ud83d\ude31<\/p>\n<p>So how can we ensure that we aren\u2019t coming off as creeps?<\/p>\n<h1><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Tip_1_Follow_the_Students_Request\"><\/span>Tip #1: Follow the Student\u2019s Request<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h1>\n<p>Often, the easiest way to avoid offending a student is to follow their request. Unfortunately, this is easier said than done. Here are some examples of complaints we\u2019ve received in this category:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  \"I ended the lesson early because I got tired and felt uncomfortable that the tutor was asking me about private matters. Though I chose a Discussion lesson, she made it a 15-minute free conversation\"<\/p>\n<p>\"The tutor asked me private questions about my job even though I requested to have a conversation about Christmas. It was really unpleasant. And I wanted her to follow my request.\"<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>In these examples, the tutors not only asked questions that made the student feel uneasy; they also didn\u2019t follow the students\u2019 requests.<\/p>\n<p>The tutor in the second complaint may have seen a clear connection between Christmas and the student\u2019s job. The conversation may have gone like this:<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tutor:<\/strong> What are you doing on Christmas?<br \/>\n<strong>Student:<\/strong> I\u2019m working.<br \/>\n<strong>Tutor:<\/strong> What\u2019s your job?<br \/>\n<strong>Student:<\/strong> I \u2026 uh \u2026 work in a bank.<br \/>\n<strong>Tutor:<\/strong> (not realizing the student\u2019s hesitation) What do you do in the bank?<\/p>\n<p>To us, these seem like harmless questions. And maybe the tutor has an aunt who works in a bank and wanted to establish rapport that way. But the student found it intrusive.<br \/>\n<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2020\/03\/12083648\/why-does-tutor-want-to-know-that-.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"623\" height=\"344\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-962\" srcset=\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2020\/03\/12083648\/why-does-tutor-want-to-know-that-.png 623w, https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2020\/03\/12083648\/why-does-tutor-want-to-know-that--300x166.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 623px) 100vw, 623px\" \/><br \/>\nSo, let\u2019s not be too creative about interpreting a student\u2019s request. If a student says they want a discussion or a conversation on Christmas, let\u2019s not stray too far off topic.<\/p>\n<h1><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Tip_2_Dont_Question_the_Students_Life_Choices\"><\/span>Tip #2: Don\u2019t Question the Student\u2019s Life Choices<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h1>\n<p>We may not understand why someone is the way they are, and we may want to make some suggestions because we care about them. But as online tutors, it\u2019s not our business to do that. In fact, doing so may even lead to complaints \u2026 like this one:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  \u201cThe tutor asked me questions that she shouldn't have. For example, 'why do you not have a child yet, even though you are 31 years old already?! I think there was a problem with the way she was asking me such questions. It made me feel bad. Terrible.\"<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>The moment we\u2019re tempted to ask someone, \u201cWhy don\u2019t\/didn\u2019t you \u2026?\u201d, we should reconsider. After all, we don\u2019t know what happened in someone\u2019s life.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe the student did try to have children but had a miscarriage. Or maybe they simply don't believe in having kids, in which case this question is quite similar to asking a vegetarian why they do not want to go to a steakhouse.<\/p>\n<p>At any rate, we don\u2019t know what happened in the students\u2019 lives, so instead of questioning their choices, it\u2019s better to respect them. For example, instead of asking, \u201cWhy do you not have a child yet?\u201d, the tutor above could have said something like, \u201cThere are advantages and disadvantages to having kids. It\u2019s your decision and I respect that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And maybe the student would have then felt comfortable explaining why they didn\u2019t have kids. Either way, it\u2019s safer to show respect for students\u2019 choices instead of directly questioning them because hey, who likes being told how to live their life, right?<\/p>\n<h1><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Tip_3_Make_Your_Questions_General\"><\/span>Tip #3: Make Your Questions General<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h1>\n<p>At this point, you may be thinking, \u201cOnline tutoring seems a lot like walking on eggshells!\u201d \ud83d\ude30 And we agree! We also wish students weren\u2019t so suspicious of us, tutors.<br \/>\n<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2020\/03\/12083706\/how-am-i-supposed-to-have-conversation.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"602\" height=\"292\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-965\" srcset=\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2020\/03\/12083706\/how-am-i-supposed-to-have-conversation.png 602w, https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2020\/03\/12083706\/how-am-i-supposed-to-have-conversation-300x146.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 602px) 100vw, 602px\" \/><br \/>\nLuckily, there are ways around this dilemma; they'll just take some practice. In the Christmas example, the tutor could have asked questions about the student\u2019s job, but made sure they were general and still on-topic. Let\u2019s try that conversation again:<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tutor:<\/strong> What are you doing on Christmas?<br \/>\n<strong>Student:<\/strong> I\u2019m working.<br \/>\n<strong>Tutor:<\/strong> What\u2019s your job?<br \/>\n<strong>Tutor:<\/strong> Does your office do anything to celebrate Christmas?<\/p>\n<p>Or better yet, the tutor could have asked about working on Christmas in general:<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tutor:<\/strong> I see. Do Japanese people work on Christmas?<br \/>\n<strong>Student:<\/strong> Yes, Christmas is not a public holiday.<br \/>\n<strong>Tutor:<\/strong> Oh I see! Then do people celebrate at work or do anything special?<br \/>\n<strong>Student:<\/strong> Well, people like to spend Christmas Eve with their lovers. At my office, single people have a party on Christmas Eve.<\/p>\n<p>And who knows? Maybe during the course of the conversation, the student would have revealed their occupation. But it\u2019s important to let the student make that choice themselves.<\/p>\n<p>And also, what if a student doesn\u2019t tell you what city they live in but you want to have a conversation about it? Tutor Clarice (\ud83c\uddf5\ud83c\udded) suggested, \u201cIf a student tells me that they live in Japan, but doesn\u2019t tell me what city or town they live in, I won\u2019t ask, \u2018Where in Japan do you live?\u2019 However, I might ask, \u2018What is your city like?\u2019 or \u2018What are some fun things to do in your city?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<h1><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Tip_4_Dont_Assume_Students_Will_Feel_Comfortable_Revealing_Personal_Information\"><\/span>Tip #4: Don\u2019t Assume Students Will Feel Comfortable Revealing Personal Information<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h1>\n<p>Finally, don\u2019t assume students will feel comfortable revealing personal information. Sometimes, even when they don\u2019t show any signs, they are creeped out on the inside. This is because they don\u2019t always know how to respond when asked uncomfortable questions.<\/p>\n<p>One reason for this is that some learners haven\u2019t yet developed the language skills to put together a sentence like, \u201cI don\u2019t really feel comfortable answering this question.\u201d Others just feel shocked that they\u2019re being asked such a question at all and don\u2019t know how to respond.<\/p>\n<p>Yet others may think that it\u2019s possible that they misunderstood. Some complaints from students include phrases like, \u201cIf it\u2019s my misunderstanding, I\u2019m sorry.\u201d In other words, the student may be confused about what happened.<br \/>\n<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2020\/03\/12083709\/did-i-misunderstand.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"338\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-966\" srcset=\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2020\/03\/12083709\/did-i-misunderstand.png 600w, https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2020\/03\/12083709\/did-i-misunderstand-300x169.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><br \/>\nA good way to avoid such situations altogether is to not ask anything personal unless the student brings it up first. As Tutor Asja (\ud83c\udde7\ud83c\udde6) put it, \u201cif a student doesn\u2019t bring up their job, marital status, or city of residence in their self-introduction, I don\u2019t ask them about it.\u201d Similarly, if they give vague or very short responses when you ask about these topics, don\u2019t follow-up.<\/p>\n<p>Our Tutor Support (TS) team recommends focusing follow-up questions on the students\u2019 hobbies. Even if a student says she has three kids and is married, that doesn\u2019t mean we should ask how old her kids are or what her husband does. Our TS staff have reviewed recordings of lessons where tutors do this (understandably) only to find that students\u2019 mood soured right after.<\/p>\n<h1><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"%F0%9F%93%8C_Takeaways\"><\/span>\ud83d\udccc Takeaways<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h1>\n<p>To sum up, here are four easy tips that can prevent students from suspecting us of being creeps:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>Stick to the students\u2019 requests and don\u2019t steer the conversation towards personal topics<\/li>\n<li>Don\u2019t question the student\u2019s life choices<\/li>\n<li>Ask general questions<\/li>\n<li>Don\u2019t assume students will be comfortable answering any personal questions<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>Finally, students can be creepy too, and it can be hard to know how to respond, so stay tuned for a post on common situations online tutors should be wary of.<\/p>\n<p>In the meantime, if something a student says or does makes <em>you<\/em> feel uncomfortable, reach out to Tutor Support immediately through the widget on the lower right:<br \/>\n<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/assets.blog.engoo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2020\/03\/12083651\/report-student.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"624\" height=\"337\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-963\"><\/p>\n<p>The policy for contacting Tutor Support is as follows:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Please report any inappropriate behavior during the class to TS while the class is ongoing. If this is not possible, you should report the situation as soon as possible and send the class link and screenshot of the lesson. (<a href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/support#reamaze#0#\/kb\/lesson-17ad9046cfa9ee8a\/specialscenarios\">Special Scenarios<\/a> article)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Sending the class link and any evidence of inappropriate behavior is essential. Without it, our staff will not be able to take action (i.e. give the student a warning or terminate their account). Feel free to reach out to Tutor Support if you have any questions or concerns.<\/p>\n<p>And in the meantime, happy tutoring!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Unfortunately, it happens to the best of us: We ask a question because we want to get to know our student a bit better and, as it turns out, the question is too personal ......<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":137,"featured_media":964,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"ep_exclude_from_search":false,"unified_meta_tagline_field":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[43],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-961","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-about-online-tutoring"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Are You Accidentally Being a Creepy Online Tutor? (Real Student Complaints Included) | Engoo Tutor&#039;s Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/tutor.engoo.com\/blog\/about-online-tutoring\/creepy-online-tutor\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Are You Accidentally Being a Creepy Online Tutor? 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